Gaining myself

So I've recently decided to start eating paleo.

It makes sense, and it's sort of where I was already coming to anyway.

I am 459 pounds, and 5'7" tall.

I will be eating paleo in an attempt to lose all - yes, ALL - my excess weight.

So far, I have not run across a blog or a profile of someone that has succeeded in such a large weight loss, I know that they MUST exist, but seems like there should be MORE of us than I've been able to find.

My ultimate weight goal is to weight 155-165 pounds. So that means I must lose 294-304 pounds.

Not an easy task. I am told by my doctors and my family and friends that I *cannot* do this myself. We shall see.

I refuse to have an operation. I refuse to have most of my digestive tract cut away and never be used again. I refuse to remain fat.

Yes, I said fat. I am FAT. Not fluffy. Not plump. Nothing cutesy or frilly. I need no disguise for my obesity. I need not hide from it. After all, how could I and what would be the point? I am FAT FAT FAT.

Say it with me. Fat. Take the word back. Own it if it describes you. Be accountable to it. Recognize it. Hear it, say it, stare it straight in the face and name it.

There is NOTHING inherently negative in the adjective "fat". The word is all about one's perception and context and is entirely subject to interpretation. Saying "I am fat" is NOT dissing yourself or insulting yourself or saying ANYTHING negative about yourself. You are not putting yourself down. If you *are* fat - then you are staring it in the face, and not submersing yourself in denial or making it cute or pretty or nice.

Now the crux of this is - if you ARE fat - and you LIKE yourself that way and feel good, cool. Roll with it. No pun intended. Seriously - if you are fine with being the weight you are being, then the gods know I ain't gonna diss ya sistahs. It is what it is, ya dig?

BUT ... if you are fat, and this makes you unhappy ... if it it HURTING you physically and mentally .... you CAN do something about it IF it bugs you. IMO the first step is recognizing it, and naming it. Making it cute and pretty just dresses up the truth and makes it easier to continue to be fat.

Own your fatness - even if you plan to change it. It's YOUR truth at that time. If you don't like, change it.

{gets down from soapbox}

So now you have an idea of how I look at my weight. lol.

The gauntlet hast been thrown, the battle hast been engaged. We shall see who the victor will be. Huzzah!

My first weight goal is 100 pounds lighter by March 29, 2011. This blog shall record that journey.

I will warn you now. I am an adult. I cuss. I am blunt, I am frank, and I tell it like I see it, and call the punches as they seem to me. I'm not going to mince my words, talk nice, play nice, or be polite. If that bothers you - well, so be it.

You were warned, right? ;)

But to those that stick around - it should at the very least be interesting, every so often. I hope anyway. lol.

In the end I might in fact lose my weight. But rest assured, I'll be gaining myself in the process. :)